UP

Ekemona loves watching movies. He really gets into them and gets involved. One of the movies he really got into recently is UP. Every morning Ekemona would request to watch "UUUUUUUUUUUULLPPP" {while signing the word}. Since Disney thrives to make us cry, Ekemona started to cry in UP. It just ripped my heart right out! Little crocodile tears were streaming down his round cheeks and then I started to cry. Every time the love scene came, on Eke would get sad. Luckily for the both of us, the more he watched it, the less sad he would get. He would no longer cry, but he would still pull the covers up over his eyes to keep from watching the sad part. I would ask, "Does this make you sad?" His bottom lip would pout, sometimes even quiver and he would nod his head and say "yes" while those chocolate brown eyes pierced me with his pain. I was amazed that he could emotionally understand what was going on in that part of the movie. Children usually can't comprehend the meaning of death until the age of five. Then I realized.... it wasn't the death part that made him sad. He pulls his covers up over his eyes at the exact same moment every single time.

He gets sad the moment Ellie is in her hospital bed. When i realized what was going on, I felt my eyes get warm with tears, I couldn't help but feel sad for my little tike. If I could only have a picture to show you Ekemona's face when he saw me in the hospital for the first time. The way his eyebrows frowned and how his little lips pouted and the sadness in his voice when he said, "ohhh nooooo!" That very moment, I knew that Ekemona understood the seriousness of our situation of being on bed rest. But it wasn't until the moment of watching him get emotional that I realized it had been so traumatic for him. I realized he was never really able to express what he felt due to his mental capacity and how I just assumed he would be okay. For that, I began to feel guilty for not doing more to help him through that transition. But I also know there was nothing else I could do since I am not educated to understand those complexities.

The very first day that Ekemona came home was a very emotional day for us as a family. I wanted so bad for Eke to run into my arms and smother me with kisses, but I prepared myself for him to be estranged and scared and mostly angry. When I opened the door to welcome him home he didn't hug me right away, he gave me his skeptical look with his finger in his mouth and his eyes pulled to the far right so all you could see were the whites of his eyes. His head was hung slightly down and I couldn't believe how big he had gotten in those 6 weeks. To create a peaceful environment, we popped some pop corn and put on Finding Nemo for him and brought out his toys to get him to remember that this was his space and he was home. I was still incredibly soar from my C-Section and was laying on the couch and E was sitting in his chair shaped exactly like a stuffed monkey. I am so thankful he wasn't ready to snuggle yet because my body wasn't ready for a bony bum and jabbed elbows of a wiggly toddler. As he sat right below us, entranced into the imagination of the film, he would gasp and whip his head around and shout "MOM???" in a concerned voice. He would search violently until his eyes locked on us and then you could hear him exhale with relief. Ekemona repeated this about every 5-10 minutes and that rotated between mom and dad.

I am thankful that the girls were in NICU so that we could have one day together to help Ekemona adjust back before another huge transition. As much as I have always loved the movie UP, I think it will always stick with me a little differently after this experience.

The Adjustment

Now that we have 9.5 weeks {of newborn twins} under our belts, things seem to be getting back to normal. Don't get me wrong.... I never leave the house hahahahaha. I don't have much motivation for that especially because it takes me a good hour to wrestle up my little herd of Haolepinos. So to run an errand or do something that takes less then an hour makes me feel useless, especially because once I have landed to my destination it takes a good 15 minutes to unload and load the car back up, and usually at that point someone needs to eat ahahha.

Minus all the hard work of leaving the house, adjusting has been a lot better then I ever could have predicted it to be. I am not sure if this is a premie thing or a twin thing or what, but for the first 4 weeks of these Haolepina's lives we had to wake them up to feed them. They never told us when they were hungry, so we had to rely on the clock. We had to set the alarm for every three hours to ensure we never slept through a feeding. As they were discharged from NICU, those were their instructions and since Ekemona was a bottomless pit {as a newborn} and ate every 90 minutes, I am not entirely sure the cause of that. I know that whatever the reason it has kept me sane and I am ever so grateful for it... and I know someone, somewhere, loves me truly because of it. But don't you worry, they are now practicing their vocal cords frequently and they sound EXACTLY the same... who would have thought?!? Hahah

Ekemona has done pretty well with having TWO new sisters. I will admit I wasn't the best at introducing him to the girls. He had a horrible cold and I shuttered at the thought of him getting closer than five feet of them, but once I felt the girls were a little stronger and Eke's cold was no longer present, we let him snuggle and get close. It wasn't until the girls were about 6 weeks old when he started to acted out. I think at that point he realized they weren't going anywhere and they were pretty legit! Luckily that phase is over {thank heavens} and now life really seems to be jumping right back into place. However, I will add that I had a girlfriend take Eke for a few hours a day throughout the week, for a few weeks, to play with her son. That was so enjoyable because I was able to enjoy my newborns and snuggle and bathe them and not have to worry about a toddler needing constant stimulation and entertainment. He was able to have a social day with a cute little buddy of his and he would be more happy there than with us hahahaha. That was a true life saver.

Gian has been such a tremendous help!!! I had postpartum depression after Ekemona was born and I believe it was all credited to lack of sleep. I expressed that fear to Gian and he has been so supportive in making sure I've slept... a lot!! Especially after having a C-Section, I can't even tell you how important it was to sleep and let my body heal, and because my husband is the shiz, I haven't had any postpartum depression this time around. He even managed to help me throughout his weeks of finals! His load was heavy, but he found so much joy succeed in all his endeavors. Because of who he is I have fallen even more in love with Gian, I didn't even know that was possible.

As far as being able to telling the twins apart.... not pros on that yet! ahahah They are so identical it's crazy! Their bellybuttons are exactly the same {which, by the way, did you know that bellybuttons are hereditary}, their whirly spots in their hair are the EXACT SAME.... even the details of their ears are pretty similar. The only thing that really separates them from each other is their face shape. Rose's face is more full and round and Snow's is more narrow.... but then they grow and then that seems to change. So if you don't have one to compare to the next then you have NO CLUE! Gian and I still mix them up more often then we would like, but we just laugh!! We have painted their toes to help keep things consistent ahah. Being a mom to twins really is as special as I had always dreamed it to be! I am pretty sure this is what heaven is like, the pure bliss of parenthood!

{Rose's face is on the left and Snow's face is on the right}

The Chronicles of a Stir Crazy Lady: The Conclusion

**Disclaimer: This may possibly be the longest post I have ever written, but I promise it is worth it! It is mostly about the birth story and the days leading up to it.**

As week six rolled around, I could not believe that I had made it soooooooooooo far. I was 33.5 weeks pregnant and only a few days away from hitting our second goal of 34 gestational weeks. I was so proud of myself, it was such an accomplishment!

On Tuesday, March 19th,  I was starting to hit another wall. I was sad to think I might still have another 2-3 weeks of that place and it was hard to keep a perspective of time. I was hooked up to the monitor where they keep track of my contractions 24/7 and the twins twice a day for 1-30 minutes {big range huh ahahha}. On Tuesday, I was waiting for them to set me free off that ball and chain so I could hop in the shower... but there was a change of plans. Baby A {aka Rose} kept having variables in her heart rate with every contraction. In the past it was usually Baby B {aka Snow} who gave more concern. After a few hours my high risk doctor placed an order for me to get a more intense ultra sounds where they would make sure both babies were okay and if there was a specific reason for her distress. Nothing abnormal appeared so I was left with three monitors on my largely round stomach for 48+ hours. Let my just fill you in on a little secret, during the middle of the night when you would roll over, the monitors would move causing them to loose the heart beat of not just one but both babies. That would mean the nurses would come on in and reposition the monitors, sometimes it would take them 45 minutes to locate the babies heart beat. Sleeping was... was.... well if I can't say anything nice, then I wont say anything at all ahahah, but I will not complain since I only had it on for such a short time period. 

That new discomfort was discouraging. I knew in my gut that the twins were fine, and I knew they were healthy and I wasn't nearly as concerned as the doctors were. On Tuesday night my OB comes in to my room and tells me, "Well it looks like we might be having some birthdays tomorrow!!" I looked at Gian and my face instantly lit up! To know that there was an end date to this extended stay was liberating!! Especially because only a few moments ago I was still under the impression I had 2-3 more weeks left, and like I said before, I knew that there was no danger or harm to my unborn children. It's a weird feeling to try to express unless you can already relate to that gut feeling of "I just knew!!" I instantly started to tune my doctor out with day dreams of holding these two little ones and bringing Ekemona home. I then realized I wasn't paying attention so I tried to home back into the conversation nonchalantly. My OB informed me that between him and my high risk doctor they came to the conclusion that the babies weren't doing any better in me and that they may need to come out the next day. If Rose began to change and progress then they would keep the twins in for as long as the next week when I was exactly 34 weeks. He proceeded to tell me that he would schedule me for a C-Section the next Monday morning. Since both twins were head down I really wanted to try to have them vaginally, especially after how nice of a labor I had with Ekemona, I felt like I could really handle it. So I asked if I could try for a vaginal and my OB replied, "No, it's not safe. Me and Dr. Mills feel it is best the babies not withstand the stress of labor due to their history of not being able to handle your passed contractions." And then just like that the decision was made. I had prayed to know which decision to make and not push for my agenda, knowing that there are so many more complications that come with twins and to just roll with the punches and it was weird to literally not have to make that decision. It was already made for me... and I am happy it was one I didn't really have to make!

As Monday got closer, each day seemed longer and slooooooooooooower, snd I kept thinking how uncomfortable I was with knowing the time and day the twins would enter this great big world! I wanted them to feel like they got to choose their day.... I mean it is their birthday after all. For some reason that deeply bugged me. The night before their scheduled grand entrance my contractions picked up and I was having 9-10 an hour. At that point I was like, "Who cares!! They are coming in a few hours anyways!" but my nurse insisted I took it easy and she came in about every hour to make sure I wasn't in pain. She even woke me up a few times to ensure I wasn't in full blown labor. RUDE!!! haha jk! I loved her! But because of this I believe the twins would have come regardless of my scheduled C-Section. 

Both Gian and I set our alarm clocks to wake up and pack up my room... PACK UP, as in goodbye... adios, aloha, ingat, au revoir, sayonara, shalom.... okay you get the point, we were pretty stoked! Since my brain was so excited I woke up about an hour before my alarm went off so I decided to do my hair and makeup. Not to mention I felt like it was a special day and I, for the first time in six weeks, wanted to look special. While I looked at my calendar for the very last time before taking it down I glared at it with glee and victory! It was so glorious to count each and every one of those orange checks that occupied each right hand corner of the passing days I spent in the hospital. Then I realized the small writing on the box that represented today, it had "passover" written on it. That stuck out to me since my dad used to be Jewish before converting to the LDS faith and also because Gian and I were married on  Rosh Hashanah. It was really amazing and special to me, and at that moment I knew these girls chose this date! They created it to be THEIR birthday regardless of the scheduled C-Section.... they wanted this! And those anxious emotions I felt, diminshed. 

My parents came and met us in my room, I got my IV did paper work, Gian transported our belongings to our next location, and I was wheeled away into the recovery room. Man was that room cold!!! Not to mention the marine layer was hanging low and the chill in the humid air seemed to seep its way through the walls. Once we got situated in the recovery room I was then wheeled in a bed into the OR. I instantly got scared at that point, and Gian was not allowed to come with me and he was not allowed to be there when I got my epidural. As the loud heavy door closed behind me I saw an OR that was nothing like the movies and most certainly nothing like Grey's Anatomy. It was small and there were no windows ANYWHERE!! I saw the huge round lights that hung above me and two bassinets where the twins were planned to go the second after birth. I instantly started to cry. That isn't what I wanted... not surgery,,, and I was scared to feel pain and to recover. I wanted my husband there and my mom to witness the birth, but it wasn't the hospitals policy. We all would have written a waiver to free them of any liability if it meant we could all be together, but they wouldn't have it. I got my epidural and they laid me flat on my back. I could hear the nurses counting off the instruments and then them reading off my medical chart, "White female, 25, identical twin girls...". Each twin had three nurses, a neonatal doctor and a respiratory therapist. That there alone was ten people. I had two nurses, two doctors, the anesthesiologist to the left of my head and Gian to the right of my head... if you've lost count that is another six people. I get why they wouldn't let my mom in... between me and the twins that was a grand total of 18 people in a very small room. 

My OB painted my stomach with iodine and then had some magical paper blanket with some kind of seal he placed over my skin. They then raised the paper blue curtain and started the procedure. I was shaking and to be completely honestly everything seemed like a haze. I don't remember being alert, but I remember having memories, but it doesn't feel like I was conscious. They invited Gian to stand up to view the birth of his daughters. He looked at me and with an excited voice, "They have so much hair, McKinley!!!" I was shocked, I wanted them to have hair so bad because Ekemona did, but I assumed they wouldn't because they were 6 weeks early. At that moment my anesthesiologist held up a mirror for me to see the twins be born. At first I was HORRIFIED to see blood... my own blood!! If you don't know me let me just tell you I can't handle that shiz!! Nope!!! It makes me hysterical... literally! And I am working on it because I am trying to be stronger and not annoying/lame! I didn't know where to look at first so of course my eyes first landed on blood and my incision, but after a fraction of a second they were pulling to Rose {Baby A} who was screaming her little lungs out. It was such a beautiful moment and I started to cry. She had so much dark hair and she looked just like Ekemona did when he was first born. Then in a matter of seconds they whisked her away and Snow was born just one minute later. They suctioned out her mouth and she gave several cries, not as loud or as strong as Rose but it proved to me they were healthy and I felt like they would not stay in NICU for very long. They just had such strong spirits and they made it clear! Witnessing your child being born is the most amazing and joyous experience. I absolutely love that fraction in time where it seems like heaven and earth are the same realm, and for a warm fuzzy second it feels like the whole universe has completely stopped to welcome a perfect and amazing little body. It's an absolute miracle, blessing and privilege! 

Now I will not lie to you and I will tell you, that even though I just painted you a great picture of my experience I will tell you that I experienced more pain then I should have felt. After the twins were born and the doctors were still working on me that amazing magical warm and golden moment completely disappeared. Gian left my side to go cut their cords and to be with his newborns. The neonatal doctors brought the girls to me so I could see them and meet them, but at this time I was in so much pain I was trying my best to focus on breathing. The anesthesiologist was asking me what I was feeling and where and I can't even tell you.... it's not like I could point to that region anyways. All I knew was it hurt! I kept my eyes closed and focused on my breaths and other white noises. I remember the doctors talking, but I have no idea what the conversation was about but they seemed to be having a great time and were very happy little souls! I remember hearing people talking about my pain and I know they were doing everything they could to manage it, but nothing seemed to work. They informed me that I was just one of those rare people who just felt more then normal. Gian went off and away with the girls into NICU while I was pushed back in the the recovery room. There they were finally able to get my pain under control, but I was seeing two of EVERYTHING! I was loopy, but still coherent. I am thankful for that because I know I was able to still have a special experience over all.

I loved having my mom and dad come shuffle through and I love that they got to go up and see the girls in NICU right away. I am so thankful to have had the support from my parents. They are amazing! I'm serious when I say, it hurt me a little to know that everyone got to see the twins before me, yet I was so happy that all three of them were able to have their own special moment with the twins. I felt like I was too drugged up to really enjoy them. We didn't even get to hold the babies until 48+ hours after their birth. That made it hard for me to want to share the joy of them via social media/text because I haven't even had the joy of them yet, but I will never forget that special moment when Gian came back to tell me his experience of the birth and meeting the girls, it was something I wished we had captured on tape!

The next few days of recovery were seriously rough, but it all got easier with every passing day. I loved being able to walk over to NICU to see the little ladies lay peacefully in their isolates, and these girls had a rocking view from their room too! Right over the ocean!! The first few hours Rose and Snow were admitted into NICU the doctors told us to prepare for them to be in NICU for three weeks, but none of us were convinced. The twins never needed any help with their breathing and all the doctors and nurses were completely impressed with their size considering they were twins and six weeks early. They both scored an 8 on their apgar. They were only on a feeding tube for a few days while they learned how to breath, suck and swallow all at the same time. Snow had a harder time at that, but still never was worrisome. The twins had a little biliruben tanning session to help out with their jaundice. These ladies were just awesome as could be! And I'm not even being biased.... they wanted to be born on that day and were ready to prove it. They spent only 6 days in NICU and all the nurses kept complimenting how they were some of the most well behaved babies they have ever seen in NICU. Okay, so maybe I am a proud mama!!

After nearly 7 weeks in the hospital, I was finally discharged on a Friday. Ekemona came back the next day on Saturday and the twins came home that following day on Easter Sunday. It was a wonderful and perfect weekend. Our family was finally back together again and it was such a dream come true. There were days I wasn't even sure this was going to be possible, or days I wasn't even sure I could make it another day, but all that hard work and sacrifice was payed off with the best reward imaginable... a healthy and happy family!

I would do it all over again if God asked me to. This is what life is all about, this is what brings me more love and happiness then anything else on this earth. Having children opens a chamber in your heart that you had no idea even existed. Seal that with unconditional love of your spouse and that is all you could possible ask for in this life! Everything about this difficult pregnancy was worth every discomfort and every pain, every stretch mark and pound gained, every tear shed and freedom I felt was lost.... it was all worth the fight!! This is my greatest mountain I've ever  had to climbed. It pushed me mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally! And I feel victorious!

 One of my closest friends, Jessie {aka The Reason} came all the way from Utah to visit me. It was a total surprise and I had no idea she was coming. One Friday, she just walked straight into my room without any warning! It was so awesome and exactly what I needed! I also cried hahaha.

One day I was given a "Wheel Chair Ride" outside. THat was the first time in 3.5 weeks I "stepped" foot outside. It was glorious! I can't even begin to tell you what it felt like to feel the sun on my cheeks, to smell the salty ocean air, and to feel the wind blow through my hair.  My senses felt like they were brand new. It was quiet emotional!

 Our view as we got to sun bathe for 20 mins.

 One night the sunset looked pretty amazing!

Another great friend, Morgan {we've been friends since we were 6 years old, Actually, she herself is an identical twin} was in town all the way from Central Illinois. Her and her husband paid us a visit. It was amazing to hang out all day and just talk! We love them!

 The night before my scheduled C-Section, my contractions were picking up so I tried to document it. Each hump is a contraction. This is about a 30 min time frame.

 One last picture with me, my mom, and that pregnant tummy.

 All set up and ready to go. I was scared out of my mind.

 This is my amazing OB, Dr. Agnew!! Love him. This is Rose.

 Rose, now back there being assessed by her team. {Notice the letters A and B?}

 Here comes Snow.

 She too got taken back to her team. She had a little bit harder time breathing but she did great in the end.

Rose

Gian cutting Rose's cord.

Rose weighed 5lbs 3oz and was 19" long. Born at 9:47am.

 Dad and his little Rosebud

Gian cutting Snow's cord.

Snow weighed 5lbs and 6oz and was 19 1/4" long. Born at 9:48am.

Dad and his Snowflake.

 Rose

 Sisters! They are always together!

 Getting ready for their new beds in NICU

Me and Rose. After a couple hours I was able to meet them. Still couldn't hold them though. I was immobile from surgery, so they made me stay in bed while they wheeled me around. It felt awkward.

Me and Snow. I was drugged up at that point and don't remember too much. 

 Oh hey ladies!!! 

Our celebratory meal at the hospital {don't be fooled we really celebrated with sushi and it was divine!!! I craved it my WHOLE pregnancy!}. I loved the Martinelli's. PS Did you know after a C-Section they don't want you to use a straw because it can cause more gas. Interesting.

 Snow White and Sleeping Beauty as they lay peacefully in their glass cases!

Their first tanning session hahaha jk it's just their biliruben lighting!

Little Ekemona finally came home and we took him to see the twins. I am glad he was able to meet them in the hospital before the huge adjustment happened.

Coming home on Easter Sunday!! Holding both girls at the same time was something I never could have prepared for. Such a crazy and surreal feeling. One of my favorite nurses from NICU... so glad she was there to discharge the twins. PS Worst picture of me EVER, but I don't even freaking care!

Getting pushed out of NICU was so neat. All the doctors and nurses seemed to line the long hallway wishing you farewell while gasping with joy and excitement, as if they were all clapping with our victory! Everyone knew what an accomplishment it was to finally go home and it felt good having a mini cheerleading team guiding the way to the door.

Finally all five of us together again! Don't you love Gian's face? ahahha It pretty much summed up how we were really feeling!

Their homecoming outfits! I LOVE THEM!!

I was .009 seconds too late at capturing Ekemona welcoming his baby sisters home. He has been so cute and so sweet to them. He loves to give hugs and kisses and run to them when they cry! He's a great big brother and a great big helper!

Finally THE END!!