UP

Ekemona loves watching movies. He really gets into them and gets involved. One of the movies he really got into recently is UP. Every morning Ekemona would request to watch "UUUUUUUUUUUULLPPP" {while signing the word}. Since Disney thrives to make us cry, Ekemona started to cry in UP. It just ripped my heart right out! Little crocodile tears were streaming down his round cheeks and then I started to cry. Every time the love scene came, on Eke would get sad. Luckily for the both of us, the more he watched it, the less sad he would get. He would no longer cry, but he would still pull the covers up over his eyes to keep from watching the sad part. I would ask, "Does this make you sad?" His bottom lip would pout, sometimes even quiver and he would nod his head and say "yes" while those chocolate brown eyes pierced me with his pain. I was amazed that he could emotionally understand what was going on in that part of the movie. Children usually can't comprehend the meaning of death until the age of five. Then I realized.... it wasn't the death part that made him sad. He pulls his covers up over his eyes at the exact same moment every single time.

He gets sad the moment Ellie is in her hospital bed. When i realized what was going on, I felt my eyes get warm with tears, I couldn't help but feel sad for my little tike. If I could only have a picture to show you Ekemona's face when he saw me in the hospital for the first time. The way his eyebrows frowned and how his little lips pouted and the sadness in his voice when he said, "ohhh nooooo!" That very moment, I knew that Ekemona understood the seriousness of our situation of being on bed rest. But it wasn't until the moment of watching him get emotional that I realized it had been so traumatic for him. I realized he was never really able to express what he felt due to his mental capacity and how I just assumed he would be okay. For that, I began to feel guilty for not doing more to help him through that transition. But I also know there was nothing else I could do since I am not educated to understand those complexities.

The very first day that Ekemona came home was a very emotional day for us as a family. I wanted so bad for Eke to run into my arms and smother me with kisses, but I prepared myself for him to be estranged and scared and mostly angry. When I opened the door to welcome him home he didn't hug me right away, he gave me his skeptical look with his finger in his mouth and his eyes pulled to the far right so all you could see were the whites of his eyes. His head was hung slightly down and I couldn't believe how big he had gotten in those 6 weeks. To create a peaceful environment, we popped some pop corn and put on Finding Nemo for him and brought out his toys to get him to remember that this was his space and he was home. I was still incredibly soar from my C-Section and was laying on the couch and E was sitting in his chair shaped exactly like a stuffed monkey. I am so thankful he wasn't ready to snuggle yet because my body wasn't ready for a bony bum and jabbed elbows of a wiggly toddler. As he sat right below us, entranced into the imagination of the film, he would gasp and whip his head around and shout "MOM???" in a concerned voice. He would search violently until his eyes locked on us and then you could hear him exhale with relief. Ekemona repeated this about every 5-10 minutes and that rotated between mom and dad.

I am thankful that the girls were in NICU so that we could have one day together to help Ekemona adjust back before another huge transition. As much as I have always loved the movie UP, I think it will always stick with me a little differently after this experience.