Today

My whole life, I envisioned being a working mom. When I was in the 3rd grade, I remember sketching dresses and by 18 I knew I wanted to own my own bridal company and be the next Vera Wang or Monique Lhuillier. My mom was a working mom and my dad worked too. I thought my parents did a great job at making it work for our family. I never thought about being a stay at home mom, not ever once.

My mom worked my whole life... in fact, she still is working and it never bothered me. I felt like it made us strong and independent children and adults. My mom was such a good example. She possessed great work ethics and was a go-getter. She was/is an entrepreneur and a very successful, powerful woman. I had no worries that one day I could be just like her. She was my shining star and I loved her no less because she worked.

We had nannies to help my parents out until they come home from work. It totally sucked when my mom had to go to work when I was sick or couldn't be the parent to chaperone on our field trips, but that was just a few days out of the whole year. My mom always tried to get those days off, but most of the time couldn't because her job required so much of her... and yes, it did break my little achy breaky heart.

While I was living in LA, I was hanging out with some friends from high school and one of our friends made a comment, "If a woman is going to be a mother, then she should stay at home and be with the children." I passionately disagreed with him and said, "My mom was a working mom and we turned out great. There is nothing wrong with a woman working and being a mother at the same time!"

Then something changed literally in a flash. During my last few weeks at FIDM {Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising}, we had a guest speaker come to one of our classes. She was very successful in the fashion industry and it was such a treat to be able to talk to her and ask her questions. She mentioned that she had two kids and held various positions in the industry for major companies. Then a person in the class asked her how it was being a working mom. At that moment, she shared a story that changed my whole perspective. She said, "It was really hard. My husband and I worked 10-14 hours a day at times. One day I came home and my second son was walking, eating solids, and had four teeth. I had no idea how much I had really missed until that moment."

That broke my heart. I realized I had two dreams - be a designer of a my own company and a mother who wouldn't have obligations that took me away from my kids. At that moment I had made my decision. I would be a stay at home mother and when the timing was right, I would pursue my dreams of owning my own wedding dress company.

Now that I am a mother, I am pleased with the decision I have made, but I would be lying if I didn't tell you I feel like I have made a sacrifice or that at times I get very sad and I may or may not just sit there and cry because I want so badly to follow through with my dream of owning my own company. It is my identity, it is my talent, it is my passion, and I feel like it is my calling. I sometimes feel like my education and talents are being wasted, but these are the things I am willing to sacrifice because I know that a family can't wait because I know that this is the kind of relationship I want to have with my children and nothing will ever fill that void for me.... but it's still hard for me to feel this kind of inner battle with myself.

I have so much respect for families that can make it work or families who have no other choice but to have both parents work. I truly, do-ly get it, but being a stay at home mom isn't as easy as it looks either... each family, no matter what their circumstances are, are making some sort of sacrifice to make it work the best for them.

I don't know when or how, but the one thing I can tell you is that one day I will own my own company and I will make a name for myself in the fashion industry {not because of some vain purpose of wanting to be huge, but because I know it is my calling and purpose}! My passion is too strong to ever fizzle away, no matter how much time may pass or the number of failures along the way. I will fulfill both dreams because dreams are what you make them and only we can set the limits of what is or isn't possible.... but today, today I will keep dreaming. Today I will be the mother I want to be. Today I will enjoy every moment {even with every fuss and snarly tooth that tries to rip it's way through}. Today I will keep my passion under the surface so one day I can funnel that energy into fulfilling my passions and talents... TODAY I am living the dream that I love dearly!!

What does today mean to you?