The Chronicles of a Stir Crazy Lady: It's the Little Things

Being in the hospital all day, with so many restrictions, makes your days seem endless, and it's the little things that bring you happiness. It continues to amazing me how much the little things take my day from boring and lame to a place of gratitude and joy. These little things usually originate from people and their amazing willingness to serve.

I want to share with you all the things that have helped me in case you ever have a family member or friend in the hospital. Sometimes it's hard to know what will help others, and I hope that this can give you some insight or inspiration of what you can do for them because I don't know about you, but I never know what really helps me or how to ask for help. So these acts of kindness have shined a whole new light on how I can serve others in their hard times.

Home Sweet Home: When my mom flew out here the day I was admitted, she went to Target and came back with sheets and the world's softest blanket. As you already know, the first few nights were the hardest and when my mom made my hospital bed, with sheets of a loving mother, it really brought so much comfort into the room, and that night I slept the best I did in days. Gian brought me my pillows from home and VIOLA the bed completely transformed!!

Here is my mom making my bed with cute yellow and grey print.... so comfy 

and fun! Plus I get complements on it ALL the time!!! 

Spontaneous Visits: I have friends come and just sit and talk!! They stay for about and hour or two but it means so much to have people come and just visit!! If I am really lucky, they even come bearing food! Which is already a social event, but when you don't have the ability to eat when you want or what you want.... it literally releases endorphins causing a mini high!! PS It doesn't have to be spontaneous, planed visits are equally as fun because it gives you something to count down to throughout the day... which is what most of us moms here have to do to make time move.

Girls from Young Woman's came to visit me it was like a mini party!!

Christmukkah: I had a friend, Lindsay Bean, come up with the greatest idea I have ever heard!!! She came with a sack full of presents, each marked with a number and every day I got to open one gift. This was vital to me my whole first two weeks. I would wake up just like a kid would on Christmas day excited to see what I would find behind the brightly colored wrapping paper. The first one was a calendar, where I could write my goals and check off days to see how far I had come. It has been soooooooooooo amazing!! I was able to use colorful markers to decorate the calendar with joy and motivation. It was sooooooooo perfect and exactly what I needed! When I opened a new gift for a new day, she had written notes to explain the purpose and meaning of why she picked it. Some things were for the babies and some things were for me. Another one I loved was a journal, and I have been able to write in it anything I have wanted -  for the twins, for Ekemona, for myself. It was a great idea!!! She also wrapped tennis balls in cute colored socks and sewed them shut. They were made to rub out the knots you get when laying in bed all day. I LOVE IT!!! Sometimes I make Gian rub them out so I can relax and enjoy it even more.... then he does it to himself. He likes them just as much as me ahhahaha. And it was so nice to see the gifts for the twins. It kept me excited to dress them and I felt like I was nesting, even though I couldn't!

My pimped out calendar!! See the check marks? That's each day I had completed. 

Mondays are my big day of the week since that is when the twin's gestational 

date changes. 32 weeks is our first big milestone. Smiley faces are my words

 of encouragement! 

Blooming Things: I cannot tell you how much flowers have brought so much joy!! It brings color into the room, they smell good, and just the fact that someone is thinking of you and wanting you to know you are loved and missed is the sweetest gesture.

My friend Amrah put these flowers together for my shower.

They are all in different beautiful bottles and mason jars and sit on my window sill. 

Edible Delights: Like I mentioned before, FOOD!!! I have never felt more excited to see some kind of familiar food that I know and like! Even something like cereal or a candy bar, no matter what it is, it is uplifting and joyous to have something to look forward too. Even if it's gone within a few short minutes hahaha.

I Feel Pretty: I have made several of these hospital gowns and have eagerly wanted to start my own company, but this pregnancy has obviously given me some setbacks and that whole dream has taken the backseat. However, if you would like one please contact me and I would be thrilled and honored to make one for you, as it would further motivate me to continue my passion and dream. I have made these gowns for family and friends and of course that meant I had to make one for myself right?!? Luckly I was able to make it long before I ever was on bed rest, but having it makes me feel special. I originally made these gowns with the idea of making moms-to-be feel beautiful and sassy when in the hospital with their new baby. Usually a lot of pictures are taken at that time and a lot of visitors want to see your bundle of joy, and without any effort the bright colors and fun patterns bring a style and comfort to healing mothers without the complications of other clothing items. Being in the hospital on bed rest, I discovered a whole new experience with hospital gowns. This gown, with such little red carpet worthy shape, really makes me feel good when I know people are around, and all the nurses here approve!! They love it, some more then I do, ahhaahha and they all encourage me to keep my dream going! That in itself makes me feel even better laying around her all day!

I am wearing these sexy white compression 

hose to help prevent blood clots...

don't be jealous!!! 

Reading/Writing: So many people have dropped off magazines and short little books. It's nice when you grow old of the TV. And writing helps process all your emotions and hardships. I have found it so important and mentally rewarding to write out my thoughts.

Phone Calls: Any form of social interaction, including FaceTime/Skype, make the day feel a little more cheerful. It also keeps us feeling like we are still in the loop of things.

Baby Shower: I was blessed with some of the best of friends who wanted to throw me a shower while in the hospital. Luckily my hospital is so amazing and supportive and encourage all sorts of social events. It was so vital for me to count down the days and to wake up and feel like I could get ready for the first time in weeks. It felt good to socialize with others and have beautiful decorations and delicious food. It was just the perfect touch!

I am so thankful for people who have just taken the reigns and shown up with XYZ in hopes of making things a little better and easier because it really has!! I know in the past I would just say, "How can I help you?" or "Is there is anything you need, please let me know!" or "I'm just a call away!" I knew these things I would say were just empty words, but at the same time I felt so lost not knowing what to do for that individual. With all these people in my life who have been such great examples, I have been inspired to do better than just give empty words, but I know now to just show up with helping hands. So thank you to everyone who has been there for us these last several weeks!!! It has been so amazing to feel your love and kindness!

The Chronicles of Stir Crazy Lady: Part 1

Wednesday, February 13th:

I woke up just like it was any other day. I met a friend at the store to gather some Valentine's gifts for our girls in Young Woman {the youth group we volunteer for at our church}. My friend, Stephanie, offered to watch Ekemona while I ran to my doctors appointment... she even suggested I relax and pick Eke up after I was well rested around 1:00pm. Stephanie, her sons, and Eke went off to a bounce house where the boys had a hay day being wild and crazy. She was a life saver.

I never got to pick Ekemona up that day. Instead, I got undressed in a cold quiet room that was dressed and ready for a new baby... or in our case, babies. The beautiful view from my room was uplifting to the fears and anxiety I was beginning to feel. As the confusing day started to unfold, I twirled my thumbs and waited to see Gian walk through the door. Gian arrive and we looked at one another and realized we needed to begin a new plan. My mom called and said she had booked the next flight out and will be there first thing in the morning. It's amazing how you don't even know what you need in a time like that... but I needed my mom!! I needed her to watch my little buddy, my pride and joy, and care for him as if she were me. I needed her love and understanding to comfort me.

Night time came... my slumber did not. I was afraid to relax and I was afraid to be alone because then I would have to face the fact that my knees haven't stopped shaking since I got here. So I began to talk to my nurse for THREE hours! She filled the void I was trying to repress with her stories of her children and husband and friends. After she finally left, I rolled over.... more like hoisted a cannonball of a belly and slept a whole hour and a half . It wasn't even a deep enough sleep to forget my thoughts. I woke up, went to the bathroom, and waited for the sun to rise. While I waited, I began to feel like Dr. Drew's patients in Celebrity Rehab who are left in complete isolation to unravel their deep rooted emotions, and I just began to cry.

I cried for a good two hours and with every tear that fell I weeped harder. I was scared. I began to think of the twins and how we had clothes for the two of them to come home in... and what if they don't come home... what if only one comes home. Then I thought of my little sunshine boy, the little man who is always thriving with joy, the little one who made a couple into a crowd, a family. I wanted to be his mom!!! I wanted to be there for him when he is proud of himself, so he could know I was proud of him too. I wanted to hear that little voice and see that great smile. I wanted to be the one he picks to watch his favorite movie and to make his lunch and to tuck him in to bed just right!! I wanted to sing to him and read stories with his pajamas snug tight across his toddler body. At this moment I realized I didn't get the privilege to be his mommy, and that's when I cried the hardest. My heart sincerely broke and has been broken ever since. 

When the sun started to glare into my eyes I impatiently waited for my breakfast to arrive. It took too long and the hands on the clock never seemed to move. That day was rough. I was mentally and emotionally broken down and now my physical pains started to kick in. Everything about this strange mechanical bed was repelling me from feeling any relief. Everything seemed impossible. I replayed in my head how many weeks I would be here, and it all seemed so impossible. Especially when those moments came where I could actually feel my contractions... I felt so weak and so mortal. I wasn't sure if I could carry through. I didn't know if I had it in me to endure. I found an inner conflict. I said to myself, "What if I just gave up and let my body do it's thing.... and just let the babies come?!?" But it didn't sit well within my heart. ENDURE.... that word kept haunting and possessing my brain. I would twiddle and unwrap with the word like a curious little boy takes apart a train to understand how it works. Then it came to me. I had to make the decision to fight for this pregnancy, to commit to doing my best even if that meant doing some of the hardest things I have ever done before, to endure the physical pain to ensure the twins stay right where they are, and that moment I promised myself and the twins that I would ENDURE for them so they could have the healthiest bodies possible. 

At that time, I knew I had to sacrifice a lot of things to ensure the better outcome for our family and I knew it had to be a choice I made. My body was able and willing to go into labor at any moment and I knew that I needed to align my body with my spirit and mind to get into a complete meditation mode. While I drifted away into that state, which was easy because all the exhaustion I was feeling, thoughts began to flood my brain to the point where I wasn't sure I was even able to understand and hear them all. A few that I can actually remember were 1). Somethings just happen... they just happen. It doesn't make you wrong but its just part of living a mortal life. 2). Take the drugs they offer you, it's not a time or place to be worried about the side effects, their purpose in your life are more important at this time. As I came back into a form of awareness, I could also  acknowledge that there are some woman who don't get the choice to keep their babies in, but I have the ability to FIGHT and ENDURE and for the first time in my life I have to understand what those words really mean and turn them into a verb.

The first few days in the hospital were hands down the hardest days. Writing this post has brought back those emotions and just as I did on those nights, I cried. This has been one of the biggest challenges I have gone through. This is one of my biggest adversities that I have had to climb,  but every day gets a little bit easier. Everyday adds up to a week and that feels worth it! All the visitors and cheerleaders {those of you who have left so many wonderful comments, text, emails to help encourage me} make me thankful for the time that passes while I helplessly lay here. I never thought such little things could unlock so much joy, and for those moments I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I am mostly thankful that those first few days here in the hospital are over. I hope they stay further and further away the longer I stay here.

It is all worth it!! And I know the out come will be greater then this hardship. Fighting and enduring has reviled such a great new meaning to me and I am thankful for the chance to apply them into my life along with the importance of known what it truly means. 

Happy "I Met You" Anniversary

Let me take you back to the time before I never even knew Gian. It was February of 2009, me and one of my best friends, Jessie, lived right next door and hung out alllllllllll the time in Provo, UT. It was a dream come true - us girls doing everything fun together and we would just show up at each other's place and lay upside down on our beds discussing what the perfect life would be!

One day, Jessie went to campus {at BYU} because she thought she had a dance lab {whatever that means} and shows up and is the only person there...and figured out she got the date wrong. So to make the most of her time, she decided to go to the library to study. As she ploped all her books and whatnots onto the table, she heared a loud, "JESSIE!!!" She turned around to find the familiar voice which led her eyes to an old friend. She shuffled her belongings into her arms to relocate to Gian's table where they sat and laughed and caught up on each others lives. Some point along this conversation Gian asked Jessie, "So..who's your hawtest Asian friend that you can set me up with?" Without a second thought, Jessie blasts out an excited noise that sounded like, "McKINLEY!!!!" {At this point of the story, if the story was being told in person, our closer friends would interrupt saying, "Wait... McKinley is Asian?!?!?! hahahahahha} Gian then rudely questioned Jessie's epiphany with a, "Is she Asian?" But of course, Jessalicious knew me too well and said, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, but she loves brown boys!" Then there was a series of questions that followed, and that eventually lead to Jessie  showing Gian Facebook pics, and at that point he was anxiously excited to get this blind date moving. 

Later that night, as Jessie was walking back to our apartment, she called me to tell me all about my future!  As she waltzed through my door and up my stairs into my bedroom, she eagerly showed me pictures of Gian. I was impressed and was willing to go on a date as long as it was after Valentine's Day, since I had previous engagements. We were like two little 12 year olds giggling with excitement. At that time, Jessie gets a call from Gian and puts him on speaker {hahahahahhaah so cruel but we had good intentions}. She confirmed that I as ready and willing but wanted to wait until after Valentine's Day, at that point the joy and excitement escaped Gian's voice leaving him with a sincere sentence "Jessie, I really want this date.... don't let too much time pass by!" Before I even met him, that sentence made me feel secure.

It was Tuesday, February 24th and I rush home from work and hopped in the shower to make myself the most glamourous I could possibly look. Both my roommate, Amber, and I were sharing the mirror since she too was getting ready for a date. I had a vivid memory of that moment... I remember thinking "I am so excited for this date, I feel like he is 'the one' !! Wait, McKinley, calm the freak down... you have never met him before this could turn out to be the worse date of your life!!! Who thinks of the person they never ever even met will be the man they marry." Right at that moment I was finishing up the final touches of my dolled up face when Amber looks at me and says, "Are you excited for this date?" It's like she just heard the conflicting conversation I just had with myself! I replied as honest as I could, "Yeah, I am abnormally excited for this date, and I am trying to keep a leveled perspective. What about you are you excited?"

Next thing I knew, our doorbell was ringing. I shuffled down the stairs to answer and it was Gian. My first thought was, "Wooooow those eyes!!!" We exchanged a few brief words while I searched for my coat and hugged Amber goodbye and wished her luck. Gian took me to California Pizza Kitchen, which is always a good place to eat. We had a great conversation and we were so comfortable around one another.... everything seemed so natural. I even had the guts to ask him, with no shame whatsoever, if I had anything in my teeth. To this day, he says that's one of his favorite parts of our date. Our date didn't end there. We bounced around from place to place until we wound up back at my apartment where Gian began to share with me his life story and how he joined the Church when he was 16 years old. At that point I remember having a thought, "I'm going to fall in love with him!" 

Gian thought it would be hilarious to show up at Jessie's door holding hands convincing her something that neither one of us can remember. The only thing we can recall is after the doorbell rang Gian looked at me and said, "Hold my hand!" So I did and it wasn't strange or weird at all. We told Jessie how much fun both of us enjoyed our dates and we all continued to laugh and have a great time at her apartment. As Gian walked me back to my door he was already making plans of when to take me out again. Of course that was music to my ears and I felt like I was on Cloud 9 with how perfect everything turned out. But guess what the best part was.... we didn't wait for that second date, Gian came over the next day after work and I was thrilled. From the day we met, on February 24th, we literally spent everyday together until after our wedding. 

Courting with Gian was one of my favorite times of my life. He showed me that we could have disagreements and conflicts without raising our voices. He showed me that he would literally make me happy for the rest of my life while I was crying over a hard day at work and he could still manage to make me laugh. He showed me he was responsible, caring, loving, compassionate, and committed. He showed me that he was exactly the man I had always dreamt of! From the day we met to the day he proposed was exactly four months. Now as I look back, I begin to go into shock trying to believe how fast that went... how did I not marry an Ax Murder?!?! But it also confirms to me how much we both knew it was really the right decision and how much it was all spiritually led by the spirit. Marrying Gian has been the greatest decision of my life!!! He has brought more joy and love into my life than I could have possibly imagined!! And even though everything has always moved so fast for us, I can honestly say it feels like we have known each other for millions of years. It feels like it was always meant to be this way!

So Happy "I met you" {belated} Anniversary Gian!!! Meeting, dating, and marrying you are some of my fondest memories!! 

Hospitalized Bed Rest

As many of you already know, I have been admitted to the hospital for extended bed rest. I have been so overwhelmed that I haven't been able to get back to those who have reached out or give an update of the situation.

Let me first of start by saying, THANK YOU!!! For all the amazing support that we have received. I have been so touched by the acts of service from others that I am constantly left in tears!! It has been really hard these last few days and all of you have done more then I could have possibly imagined to help lift our spirits. I feel eternally indebted to you and I promise I will somehow find a way to return the favor and express my full gratitude.

From the beginning, this is how the whole story goes. Since the kind of twins I am carrying {one placenta, two sacks} there are a lot of high risks, so to eliminate things going undetected or getting out of control too fast, I went in to get an ultra sound every week. There they would measure the babies, their fluid, and the length of my cervix. I always felt like the twins would do great, and they passed the whole second trimester without any concerns. They passed every test with flying colors and usually my cervix was always measuring great and never had any concerns.

So last Saturday the 9th, I woke up at 5:20am to some of the worse contractions I have ever had. Even with my first pregnancy I never felt contractions this strong. I tried everything to get relaxed and calm my body down. They were so strong I couldn't count them so I just committed to an hour and if they didn't stop we would just go straight to the hospital. Luckily they stopped exactly an hour later at 6:20. I just assumed they were Braxton Hicks and didn't think twice after that. Then at my weekly high risk appointment {at the time I was 28 weeks and 2 days} I shared that episode with my doctor and ultra sound tech and she instantly had a concerned look on thier face. As my cervix showed up on the ultra sound screen, I could instantly tell it was completely different. I could see it was opening up and the length was extremely smaller than it had been in the past.

The Tech and high risk doctor came in and asked why didn't call when I woke up on Saturday and impressed the importance of the situation. My cervix usually had measured a healthy 4.3cm long in the past and fully closed, and at 2cm they usually will put you on bed rest. My cervix was starting to funnel and had shortened down to 1cm. This was a huge and dramatic change in one short week. I have never been told bad news from a doctor before, and the look in their eyes was enough confirmation to know that this was a big deal. She ordered me to go next door to the hospital and be admitted into Labor and Delivery where they were going to give me steroid shots to help develop the twins lungs develop and measure my contractions to see if I need further medication. I was all alone at that time. My girlfriend was watching Ekemona and we were making plans to celebrate Valentine's Day for the Young Woman's in our ward {the youth group that we both volunteer for} and Gian was at his usual schedule of studying and going to to school. Everyone I called wasn't able to talk or didn't pick up. Gian and I could only communicate through text. My voice was shaky, my eyes were damp, but I felt strong and confident that things would be just fine yet concerned about the seriousness of the situation.

As I changed into the hospital gown they place monitors on my perfectly large round belly. They were able to count my oxygen, contractions and the babies' heart beats. The nurse comes in and ask what level of pain I was in and I said "a zero!" She then continued to tell me that I am having contractions about every 8 minutes and they were going to start me on some medication to slow down the contractions. About an hour later, the contractions got worse and were every 3-4 minutes apart. Right at that point, Gian was there and I had been able to get in touch with my parents. My great doctor comes in and says that I would be admitted to the hospital for 4 weeks minimum  of a strict bed rest and his goal was to make it to 32 weeks. As we continued to ask the questions, he explained that I would be here for 4-8 weeks and it would be indefinite until the babies come because the cervix doesn't close back up, it can change but not by a lot.  I would also be taking the medication to slow down my contractions until the babies are looking good and ready to come and once I stop taking it that means everyone is ready for baby time.

So here I am, 28.5 weeks pregnant with spontaneous identical twins on a strict bed rest for the next 4-8 weeks. The reason why 32 weeks is such an important milestone is because it would give the babies a 99% of not having any long term health issues, but I say 7-8 weeks because that will make me 35-36 weeks which is full term for twins and I think I can make it. The reason it is so important that I am on bed rest is because my cervix can no longer give the structure my body needs to keep the weight of the babies in. Once it starts openening up indicates that labor is just around the corner and my water could break at any given point. So even though my cervix is funneling and shortened, I still have hope! The reason I can't be on bed rest at home is because anything can happen at any point, me and the twins are being constantly monitored around the clock. Also, my orders {not necessarily the same for everyone else} is I can only walk to use the restroom and to the shower, but even then I am not allowed to stand in the shower. I can't walk around, I can't fill up my own water bottle, I can't even sit in a seat to eat a meal. Not to mention the leash that hooks me up to the machine that monitors us three is only 4ft long!

I bet you are wondering what in the world has happened to Ekemona through this whole process? On Wednesday night my mom caught the next flight out from Maui to LAX to come and be with me as soon as possible. It was the perfect thing we needed! She was able to babysit little Eke while Gian stayed committed to law school and as plans and thoughts started to manifest, we made a family decision to send Ekemona to go live with my sister Brittany in Idaho. It was the hardest thing to swallow, but at the same time it was our first pick since it is family and I know they would provide the right amount of structure for his fragile age that thrives for schedules and consistency. On Saturday, Feb 16th my mom left with Ekemona to Idaho, until the twins are born or unless something else comes up. I am so thankful for my sister Brittany's jump to help and create a support system for us, along with all the sacrifices my parents made to be here for us during a time that was so important.

As you can imagine, the first night was traumatic. I only slept an hour and a half and then cried the whole time while patiently looking at the clock waiting for them to bring me my breakfast. It was a lot to take in, knowing that I won't leave the hospital until after the twins are born, no nesting, I am no longer able to help myself do basic tasks, let alone care for my family and mostly my little baby boy. who is my best little friend and helper! So it's been humbling!! I feel like I'm at the constant mercy of every human around me, but we are all doing better now. Things are under control and I know me and Ekemona are in good hands so that is all that matters.

So there it is, that is the full story.... and since I am processing so many emotions I bet you can count on me coming back here to write it all out therapeutically. Now maybe I will have actual time to catch up and read all the blogs I have been wanting to for ages now!! I have to say how much I love this hospital!! The whole staff is amazing and I love my nurses!!! Not to mention my doctor is so awesome and I am constantly hearing words of affirmation from people here around the hospital about how he is the best in the whole area!! So he is a good substitute for my last doctor all the way back in Utah, Dr. Ryan Ollerton!! If you have had the pleasure of having him then you should consider yourself pretty freaking lucky hahaha. I know I am biased!!! Want to know my favorite and best thing about this hospital? It is right on the ocean so I get to have this amazing view every day!!!

Have a great week and thank you again for all who have helped and supported us through this tough time! It has been heaven sent!! I just love you to a million pieces!!

2 Years

In October, Ekemona turned two, so via tradition we took him to get his photos taken. Since we no longer live in Utah and couldn't go to the place we wanted to, so we just winged it at Sears {which both Gian and I hated and will never do again}. So here is our little man being the serious stud that he is! ahhahah

2012 Wrap Up

Obviously I am a failure at blogging. The first trimester was flipping rough, so I wasn't able to show you pictures of Ekemona for his birthday, Halloween, or Christmas. We weren't able to travel for Thanksgiving, so we stayed here in Orange County, and my friends, Amrah and Donavon, invited us to her family's dinner, which was so good and delicious, only I didn't take any photos. Again, I fail at life!!! So please enjoy these pictures from many moons ago!

We did our 3rd annual photo booth picture

{it feels like we did this so much more than that because we did this a few times while we dated}

Ekemona turned 2 years old in October. I was still really sick at this point, so it was just us three who celebrated ... and of course we had an ice cream cake!

Right before he exhaled to blow out his candle! Love that boy!!

He was a monster for Halloween. Again, still sick from morning sickness, hence why there are no pictures of me or Gian. 

Amrah and Donavon had us over for a Christmas dinner. Look how cute her table is, she even had cranberries in the ice cubes! Eke watched Brave the whole time and loved it!

The mall we took Ekemona to replaced all their animals on the carousel with reindeers. He loves doing this! 

...And the classic upset 2y/o on Santa's lap. I have to say I love this picture!! Sorry little nugget! It's only a once a year thing.

We went to Idaho for Christmas. My sister, Brittany, and I did some grocery shopping. Being high risk and traveling takes a toll on your body. This was hilarious yet embarrassing all at the same time... but a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do!!! 

Christmas Dinner! One of the best meals ever. It is our tradition to have a standing rib roast, mashed potatoes, homemade {my grandma's famous} rolls, strawberry salad, green bean casserole, Martinelli's, and poppers with our animal ornaments. Poppers are an English tradition that pop out a paper crown, joke, and prize. It's one of the best parts of the whole dinner. Then for dessert we had our famous red velvet cake. If you haven't had our recipe then you have never enjoyed red velvet cake. It's the way the cake was designed to taste, all the others are just counterfeited... and I am not just saying that!! It's legit!! 

Eke in his Christmas best. Loved this outfit!! 

Ps This was the best picture I could get. Sorry for him itching/picking his nose.

Our niece Ella and Gian!

Hunter seems to have picked up on his Uncle Gian's photogenic skills ahhahaha. Sorry Brittany!

The boys got their own table. What studs!!

Lily got to eat with us! Lucky lady!

Even Ella got to join us too. She loves her dad, Mike.

This is me trying to tell Gian to make a "normal" face. Here you go world... the most normal smile you will see from Gian!

Our little growing family! Ekemona doesn't look thrilled here, but I promise you he is. He is just a little man trapped in a toddler body. My dad, Tatu, makes this same exact pose. Eke also loooooooooved having his crown. Since the day he was born we have always wondered where he gets his royal stance from. He is always so proper and holds his head like a king.

McCall, Ryan, and their two boys. So cute! I love that they were all in plaid!

Our Christmas eve Pajamies. "Bear Cheeks!!!"

Christmas Eve... we had the kids leave out gingerbread cookies, egg nog for Santa, and celery for his reindeer. 

They also got to throw out magic oats that they made wishes with. The reindeer come and eat up the oats. Yes, that is a real reindeer hoof. Don't ask unless you like to hunt!!

My mom always has the best Christmas trees!! She is so good at decorating! 

Ekemona opening his gifts on Christmas morning.

Dad showing Eke how to work his new nerf gun!!

Brittany, Mike, and their kids opening gifts.

Me and my sweet little haolepino!! 

Santa brought Brittany's kids this HUGE teddy bear. The bear was a hit... and you can see how Eke is instantly attracted to the bear since he looks like Max's {his little white bear} dad/mom.

I just loved these pajamies on him!!! I couldn't get enough!

My mom, Koko, helping the boys with their gifts.

We had a wonderful snow storm that dropped the most flaky snow ever. You could blow it away if it just sat in your hand, and every centimeter sparkled in the sun. It was amazing.

There is something about little kids in snow gear that makes them so fluffy and cute!

This is a panoramic shot of my parents house in Idaho. It's the only house on the street, so we get to have tons of space to play with everything, everywhere. Mike and Gian took the kids sledding, pulling them with a four wheeler. My mom decorated the house for christmas... she has such a good eye. Everyone in town was talking about how perfect her lights were. They were pretty awesome! {PS See the yellow and blue? That was for our Jewish side!!! ;)}

Somehow this crazy HUGE yet creepy cob web was spun on the balcony. We have no idea when, but when the fog came in one night, it crystalized and made this creepy web look whimsical!! We told the kids that Spiderman came to check in on them. They LOVED it!! It seriously was out of a movie!

Ekemona discovered a dry erase marker and decided to draw all over Koko's walls, himself, and diaper. These pictures don't even do it justice. I couldn't even capture it all in one shot. Rubbing alcohol was the key to getting it off. PHEEEEEEWWW!! I will say how much I love his curiosity and imagination. ... but I can only say that because it came off so easy ahhaha.

When we came back home to Orange County, I thought we had made it through Christmas without having any accidents from Ekemona. If you look to the far right, he somehow managed to behead one of the kings. Then after, he felt horrible and ran the head to me saying "sorry" and then I came in and, as a peace offering, he had given hats to the donkey and cow... ahhaha. That boy!!! 

I Belong With You, You Belong With Me, You're My Sweetheart

Ever since I was a child, I always thought that twins were a spectacular phenomenon. I always wondered and was fascinated about their relationship and closeness to each other and why they come into this world together? Who am I kidding... I still get choked up, for example, when I watch TLC's Brittany and Abby, the show about the conjoined twins, or when I see newborn baby twins together!

A little history for you, when I was 15 months old my mother went into labor with fraternal twin girls, but unfortunately the twins did not make it through the labor. My mom named them Holly and Noel because they were expected to arrive around Christmas time. I remember not understanding why they died and my mom never was really given an answer herself. She had these two beautiful porcelain dolls dressed in white blessing gowns that represented Holly and Noel, and she kept them in a very safe remote place where they would never experience damage. When I asked, my mom she would always let us see them and play with them gently. When I was in the first grade, I became best friends with a girl name Kylie, she has an identical twin named Morgan and as we became the best of friends, I showed Kylie these dolls and told her the story of the two little sisters I had. Kylie and Morgan moved away to Chicago when we were in the third grade, but even through time and distance we have been able to sustain a great relationship and I miss them so much since they are nearly 1,500 miles away!

As I became a mother, my sensitivity for twins only intensified. When I called Kylie and Morgan to share with them the news of having twins, I felt my bond with them strengthen even more. When I see twins {especially newborns} I just stare and gaze at their amazement at them as if they were celebrities. I begin to ponder the same thoughts that I have always had; they had to be here at the same time at the same place hitting every milestone together and in some cases they even share the exact same DNA. The meaning of twins and the impact they have made, in my life, haunt me with wonder and curiosity and I have recently been able to come up with an answer for myself of why I am sensitive to this rarity.

In our faith we believe that there was life before this earth called the pre-existence. There we lived as spiritual beings where we knew our heavenly parents {who created us} and we CHOSE to come to this earth. When I think of the family unit and the friends that we have, I can't help but think about how we are spiritually intertwined with one another and how we thrive to have those relationships, especially with our siblings. I once read a quote that said, "God knew I loved you too much so he made you my sister." That always stuck to me, and my beliefs about the preexistence made it seem that much more true - that we don't choose who our siblings are, and if we allow it then they can become some of our best friends. When I think of twins I like to believe that in the pre-existence they loved one another too much to be sent down separately - that they wanted to always have a buddy to be around, someone to hit every milestone with, someone who they could connect to on every single level - that their mission here on earth is much greater and more important with their sibling right by their side.

Now I am not saying every twin and sibling is this way, but why else are we astonished at the fact that two spirits came to this earth at the same time? For me, it rings true to the doctrine of our church, that there was life before this one, and that we had bonds and relationships that couldn't go completely unforgotten, and that we exist not in spite of ourselves, but as constant companions for those we love, to be there for them, as a support system that is unconditional. To me, twins are a constant reminder of that fact.

When we first found out we were pregnant I fell in love with music by Mumford and Sons and The Lumineers and many more. When we still thought and weren't aware of the fact we were having twins I thought, "This baby is going to love music!!! I don't know why music has raised such emotions in me." Every single time I would hear The Lumineers "Ho Hey" I can't make it through the song without crying. To this day the lyrics "I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart" makes me bawl like a baby. The thoughts that strike such piercing emotions are not only that these twins are my sweethearts and I feel like they belong in our family, but they belong with each other, to traverse this life with one another by their sides. To me it's the most beautiful thought! I hope they will be the best of friends and will have a bond greater than what I already felt they have. What a blessing to experience parenthood, and what a blessing to feel the love within the family unit! This is what life is all about!!

Twins 101/ Pregnancy Update

 Man, blogging to me has never felt like such a chore until these last few months. I am usually way passed exhausted to allow myself to type on my computer and let my brain spill out all my thoughts. One day... {maybe not for another year or so} I might have more energy to spend on the computer or to journal out my thoughts.

But... I wanted to give an update about the pregnancy and what we have been going through. 

In a lot of ways time has moved so fast. I am 24 weeks/6 months pregnant. I am thrilled, yet scared shiz-less about being close to the finish line. For the first time I would just like to stay this pregnant forever! I like having the babies in my tummy knowing they are sleeping and eating well without a whole lot of restless/sleepless nights, but then again, I am already uncomfortable! My doctor told me I am measuring about 29 weeks which makes me feel less crazy for all the discomfort I have. It's nice to hear a confirmation of, "It's not just you, its reality!" 

So around 16 weeks I was sent to a high risk specialist to determine what kind of twins we were expecting. Depending on the kind of twins, you can be considered high risk. If they are identical twins you are at risk of them having Twin-to-Twin Transfusion, which means, since there is only one placenta, one twin can hog the nutrients and fluid leaving the other twin fighting for their life. Apparently this is more common in female identical twins. This can be a very serious condition causing one twin to die before full term which means the other twin would be born too early to live. With all the modern and western medicine, they are able to catch these things and can even perform a laser treatment during pregnancy, if needed, to help distribute the nutrients more evenly. 

Depending on when the egg split, you can have three different types of identical twin pregnancies - (1) the egg splits but appears to have two placentas {but even after birth they can't determine if it is two placentas or one since they begin to fuse} (2) one placenta and two sacks, or (3) one placenta and one sack {a sack is really more like a thin membrane that separates the two babies but they can still touch one another, unlike fraternal twins who have a thicker wall because of the two placentas}. I am carrying twins who have one placenta, two sacks, and this is how we know they are identical. This is a good and bad thing. It is good because it means their cords will not get tangled and cause other complications, but it is bad because it means they share the same fluid which means one can have more or less, in which case if it becomes too severe they have a laser process that can help resolve the problem. The most ideal scenario is to have twins in two placentas, like fraternal twins or identical twins that appear to be fraternal through ultra sounds {in these cases they would have to do a DNA test to determine the kind of twin}. See picture below to help give you a better understanding of what I am saying.

Our twins are the ones in the middle. The doctor suspects that our egg split around day 3-5 after fertilization and then attached to the uterine wall. The image on the far left means the egg splits around day 1-2 after fertilization and the image on the far right means the egg split 5-7 days after fertilization. Our doctor also mentioned that any time the egg splits after day 7 is when you would have conjoined twins.   

Once a week, I get an ultra sound where they measure the fluids of each twin. So far these ladies are doing so great. They have a great amount of fluid and they are the same weight. The doctor said every week we go without seeing any changes in their fluid or growth the better the chances of not having Twin-to-Twin Transfusion!!! This was music to my ears! While I am getting ultra sounds, they also check the length of my cervix to make sure I don't have to go on bed rest and every three weeks they check the measurements of the growth of the twins. It is fun to see them on the big ultrasound screen so often! They have the most beautiful noses I have ever seen... their noses look just like their big brother's nose. Sometimes we even get the pleasure of having the 3D ultrasound because their little bodies make it hard to see what it is the doctor is looking for.

The other night, when I was about 21 weeks, I woke up with contractions. My doctor believes they were most likely Braxton Hicks which is totally fine with me!! As long as it isn't actual labor signs!! He expects the twins will come around 35-36 weeks. Twins are considered full term at 36 weeks, but I just want them to be healthy and if they want to extend their stay, I am ok with that!! No need to make them come too early if there aren't any complications. 

Another crazy thing that I learned is, when having twins, they have you deliver {at least here in California} in the OR even if you are planing to have a vaginal birth because complications can arise really fast and they don't want to waste anytime. This makes me sad in a small way. The people I have always planned on having in the delivery room are my husband and my mom!!! These two people are the reason I am even having a child and I want so badly to have their support and excitement in the room, but when you deliver in the OR you only get one person and Gian obviously will be the one there... but my OB is pretty freaking awesome and he has had two sets of twins so he understands and I think he might make an exception for my mom!! I THINK!

The hardest thing for me about this pregnancy is not knowing what the outcome will be. There are so many scenarios. Will I have to have a C-section? Will they come early and how early? Will they be born healthy? So many concerns run through my mind and for the first time I feel completely out of control and useless. I know that is something I have to learn and be okay with because this is just how life is. With Ekemona I knew everything would be okay and he would be healthy, I knew he would come vaginally and not through a C-section... it was just that comfort I always felt in my heart and gut. This time, even though I feel it in my heart that the twins will be okay and healthy I still have my gut exploring every possible scenario and every possible outcome and that's where I try to keep "fixing" the problem. I am learning that life is just life, you can't fix or control 100% of your outcomes, which is how I have always based my decision making and planning. I believe so much in personal responsibility that I feel like if I don't do something right it will be my fault.  

All in all things are going really well and really smooth. I don't have the same physical abilities as I did when I was pregnant with Eke. I have to take things about 2x slower and simple tasks become exhausting chores. Some days I can't even stand longer then ten minutes, but if that is what it takes to stay healthy then I will listen to my body every single time! 

Now for some "belly time" hahahahah.

11 weeks

15 weeks

17 weeks

23.5 weeks

PS All my clothes are fitting weird and this is me trying to hold my maternity shirt from the strange fit. I don't know why my clothes are fitting weird. I think my belly just has a different shape to it or something.

Dashing Through the Snow

This year we will be able to dash through the snow... of IDAHO!!! I am so happy to be able to be with my family for the holidays! 

We wanted to wish you all a very merry holiday!! We hope it is filled with love, joy, peace, health and happiness!!

On a side note, this year we decided to do a non-traditional family photo. Mostly because I was so horribly sick the first 3.5 months of my pregnancy, I wasn't sure I would be able to pull us together to capture anything glamorous, but I am very pleased with how it turned out. My friend Drea created this beaut. Feel free to visit her blog. She even has a webcomic... she rocks!

Merry Christmas. May it be the happiest season of all!!!