One of My Greatest Challenges

When I was younger I had some speech delays. My mom was worried that I possibly had a hearing problem. She took me to get my hearing tested and the results came back completely fine. As I grew older, there were other delays developing such as not knowing my ABC's, reading, shapes and colors seemed to be confusing as well. My mom was beginning to grow more concerned. She took me in to get more testing done. They ruled out ADD and ADHD... they did a simple test to see if it was dyslexia - nope, not that either. Finally after the right test the doctor was able to give my mom an answer. I was diagnosed with Auditory Processing Disorder also known as APD. Not only was this my learning disability, but mine was quite severe. The doctors told my mom that I would never learn to read or write, or hold a job. Well by reading this you can already see how much I have accomplished.

My mom and dad were devastated but relieved at the same time. My mom was worried about what the future held for me, but thrilled to have an answer to start making a plan of what would be best for me and my scholastics. I never did like school, I spent many hours trying to understand something so difficult yet everyone else was able to learn so easily. I remember learning to read and looking at the letters as if they were hieroglyphics. Everyday after school I would stay an extra hour working in a class called Resource, then after that I would meet with a tutor to help me with homework and other tasks. 

This lasted almost my whole education. There were various programs that I was in and other Resource classes. When I was in the 4th grade my mom found this a program in Berkley (at the time we were living in a town in the Bay Area called Alamo) it was about an hour away from our house and I traveled at 8 am during commuting hours. It was 3 hours a day 5 days a week for 3+ months. My mom was able to clear it with my school so I actually didn't ever attend my class until the afternoon. I loved it because every day after the program I would get lunch with my mom at this 50's diner. I loved how my parents always tried to make it a fun day. When I graduated from the program, my parents took me to this wonderful hotel called the Claremont Hotel for a fancy lunch were I wore my favorite dress and tights, and my dad gave me this beautiful porcelain doll. I felt like a princess, and I knew they were so proud of me and that meant the world to me.

To be completely honest I am not sure when I ever learned how to read. I never felt comfortable reading in front of a large group... a small group... well actually in front of anyone. I actually never enjoyed reading period. I always felt overwhelmed and it seemed to take me much longer to read than anyone else I knew. I didn't feel confident reading out loud until I was 20 years old. I know that I was able to acknowledge the fact that I could read in the 6th grade, but that is all I can really remember... I don't remember getting it or being proud. I just remember my teacher giving the class a reading level test and I scored a 4th grade level and I thought, "Ohhh I can read!"

I would love to tell you that I no longer struggle with this learning disability, or that there is a cure for APD, but unfortunately the only thing that can be done is constant work. I have learned how I learn, how I perceive things, the way my brain works, and memorizing became my greatest tool. I struggle with this every single day, but because it is all I know I am not always aware that it is something I struggle with. In 2009, I was driving home from work balling because I was having a hard day. I called my sister, Brittany, for advice and to vent. I will never forget what she told me, she said, "You have a learning disability, it's not easy! You have learned to compensate for things, you have done so well at this no one even knows that you struggle and if anyone were to see how far you have come they would be astonished." Whenever I think about this it makes me choke up with tears, knowing that someone knows how far I have come and yet knows how hard it still is for me. I never knew until that moment how much I really struggled.

My family has always made me feel loved and accepted, they never once judged me. They helped me to learn that this is who I am and to never be ashamed of it. Because they never had shame around it, I never had shame around it. This has made me a better and stronger person. Without them and their help I don't know who I would be today. 

I want to share this because I hope that anyone who does have a learning disability will be able to love that part about themself. My hope is if you know anyone who is different then you, that you will accept them for exactly who they are, instead of judging them for not filling your standard of "normal" or "intelligent." If you have a child that is behind in any way there is nothing wrong with getting them evaluated or tested, even if it is something behaviorally. Early intervention can work miracles!! 

Thank you Mom and Dad, Brittany, McCall and Kachina for all your support, love, guidance, understanding and example.