Blessed Day

I wish I could tell you that it was everything I ever imagined and hoped for, that I was thrilled to hear my husband bless our little baby boy, but unfortunately I was struggling terribly.

Traditionally, in our religion, the father takes his baby in front of the congregation to give the child a blessing and a name. There he will ask his male family and closest male friends (who hold the priesthood) to come join him. There he would speak into a microphone for everyone to hear. It is always beautiful to hear a father's prayer and blessing upon their child, and to me it is very sacred.

Sunday morning was great. We got ready for church, the weather was amazing, we even got to church early and saved seats. I was feeling pretty good. Sacrament started and they proceeded as usual. They then invite my husband, Ekemona, and all the guys participating to the front to give the blessing. I see them hook up the microphone and all the men squeeze close together around the baby in white.

My husband starts, and I can't hear him. I look up to see what is going on.... the microphone is not working!!!! I thought, "Ohhh that is ok, my brother-in-law, Ryan, has it recording in his pocket, I will hear it later." So I wasn't yet affected. I literally didn't hear a word. The only thing I got out of the whooooooole thing was, "Amen," but still that was OK because Ryan was recording it.

I could see a tear streak down Gian's cheek and knew he just had a wonderful experience with his son and was overcome with emotions. I continued to tell him that the mic didn't work and no one could hear a single thing. I turn around to see my sister McCall pass me my phone back. Her and Ryan were signaling that it didn't record. My eyes were open wide with shock, I just realized, not only did I not hear my son's blessing, but I never will!!!! I looked at Gian and bursted into tears. I was devastated.

The rest of the hour in sacrament was terrible. I was so angry, my face was as hot as a coil stove, I felt like I could melt the white walls of the room we were in. All I wanted to do was yell at my bishop. I would have liked to drop a few F bombs at him in particular. I felt like it was his responsibility and he failed me and my family. I couldn't feel the spirit, I couldn't listen to the rest of the speakers, I cried during every song. I had such terrible thoughts, and I didn't want anyone to come and talk to me about it after.

I am a Christian, but I am not perfect, and I was struggling to find peace and joy with all of it. I mean, it is called a blessing right?!? So why couldn't I let go of my anger and disappointment?

After sacrament one of the members of the bishopric approached us to apologize. Once again, I am not perfect so I felt it was only best to tell him what I was feeling. I told him I would be lying if I told him I was fine, and I continued to tell him how upset I was. We went outside to take photos and then into our apartment to eat some amazing Cocoa Bean Cupcakes with milk and fruity water. At least that was good right? It was nice to socialize with everyone who came and supported us. I am very thankful for everyone who is close to us to share their love and joy. It made me feel better about the whole situation.

Once everyone was gone, I began to cry. It was very emotional for me because, not only was it my son's blessing, but it was my first child's blessing. I had reasonable expectations, I mean I wasn't expecting angles and trumpets... just the simple fact to hear it. As I processed all of my emotions, I realized that the most painful part was, I can't journal it, I can't tell Ekemona when he is older what it said, that I had no personal experience to share with him.

I had to remember that it was still a blessing and the most important part was that all the people we love most were there, that Ekemona was able to be blessed into the Church with a name by his father, that the spirit was still there even though no one could hear.

I began to let go of all my anger and saw it as a great opportunity to have a real nice talk with Gian about what he felt, and not what was said. That made it all worth it. I would do it again any day just to have a good heart to heart tearful talk, full of compassion, with my husband.

Here are pictures of the most blessed day. Thank you again for everyone who came! We love you so much and it meant everything to me and Gian that you were there to support our family!

Will my husband ever give me a serious face? Ahahahah Actually I hope he never does, this is one of my favorite things about him.

E in his blessing outfit. I didn't realize how high his pants were. Ooops, sorry nugget!