At times Gian and I will hear some racial comments and I am totally taken back. I don't know if it is just the town we live in or the people we run in to, but I have never found it odd or abnormal to see a biracial couple together. I mean, our president is black, how much racism still exists? You would think you are safe from remarks in this day in age, but I am thinking the people who make the comments have no idea that what they are saying is a little off or would even consider themselves racist. Sometime I wonder if it is harder for people to see a white woman and an ethnic man because usually it is the other way around.
For the most part, it doesn't bother us, we can find it funny to hear their thoughts, but when you can sense judgment in their voice, we leave feeling uncomfortable and bitter. Really, what does it matter? The deed is already done ahahahah... nothing they say will change the choices we already made of getting married and starting a family, and if it isn't a comment, then it is the worst case of stink eye we had ever seen, along with rubber necking.
I would just like to know what happened to people's filters? I mean what if we were really sensitive to the topic? What if I grew to have resentment and anger towards these people and/or town. At times when I replay all the comments ever made I think to myself, "I can't wait 'till we move!!!" Seriously, at times it is like they have never seen a brown person before, and everyone assumes Gian is not American... that I met him in is own country and brought him back with me, like a pet. REALLY?!?! And how did you meet your spouse?
I try not to let these things bother me, but when it comes to culture and ignorant comments, there are some things I just have a hard time with. What do you think I should do? Let the individual know what they are saying is not politically correct, or do I worry about hurting their feelings and say nothing?
14 comments:
I hate racial comments also. Over here Australia is a multicultural country, but there are still a lot of racial problems. My boyfriend is filipino and i am european but we are both Australian. I don't hear any racist comments towards us, maybe behind our backs. Not to sure. To be honest i believe it will come back into there faces if they are racist to me, i would Just let it go and not say anything, whats the point in saying anything when people are stubborn these days and wont care what you say.. But then again some people need to hear it how it is.
I think it depends on the comment. You can probably gauge pretty well their intentions and how "innocent" their little remarks are.
I know it's hard sometimes.
People are rude and inconsiderate.
Most of the time, I say let it slide, but I really wouldn't blame you if you just exploded one day. :) On a particularly nosey and rude old man/woman.
Unbelievable! I can't believe how racist and in your face some people can be about their comments. I think I would let it slide, unless it passes the line. Interracial relationships are so common now, it's only a matter of time before people don't even raise an eyebrow. Chin up! :)
Belly B :)
I could only image but the way you have to look at it is they don't know what you two share and to be completely honest their marriage probably isn't even as close to amazing as yours and Gian's! I've always been told to kill with kindness, so if I were you and I heard someone saying something out of line I would probably just smile at them and give my boy a big kiss on the cheek! haha just to rub it in, cause honestly their probably just jealous that two such good looking people are together!!!
I sent you an email pretty girl and would LOVE if you could read it asap! haha it's kinda intense! :)
xoxo
I honestly find this SHOCKING that this is a problem. I kind of forget that Gian is a "brown boy." It's not even something in my sight...I just think you two are a really pretty couple, and your baby is DANG cute. I can understand a bit more about your previous post of people asking if Eke was adopted...but maybe because I'm also adopted and I got asked ALL THE TIME where I got my blonde hair from while walking around with my (very brunette) family.
I'm sorry that this is an issue...people need to grow up I guess.
And hahaha...Gian as your pet. That just made me laugh.
My first thought was, "Hey, they odn't worry about not hurting your feelings why should worry about hurting theirs?"
But then I realized the difference. You're a better person than those who would comment about race.
A little education, though, goes a long way.
Gosh, I'm not giving any solid advice at all, am I?
I do want to say that you have a beautiful family. And in the end, that's all that matters.
bahaha! I get this all the time. I've basically gotten used to it since people have been "fascinated" with the fact that I'm not really white since I moved here... which was really weird. No one really ever said anything about it in Vegas, then I move here and everyone is wondering "What are you?"... I had a professor once who was some sort of Indian and he'd always make jokes about what it's like to be a different race on BYU campus because people ask the DUMBEST questions...
Brad and I usually start it off as a joke... like that he brought me back from his mission or that he picked me up in China... then the other people feel awkward because if that's true, they don't really want to know about it!
Really though, I think this is the only area where people are ironically really concerned about it... which I think is weird because LOADS of people do that here...
I honestly never even thought once about it..
Racism blows my mind..
You are happy healthy and supported by us :)
Unbelievable and so sad. :( I'm so so so sorry that you two experience this! I think it's a tough call - and usually it depends on my mood how gutsy I am to say something to someone if they cross me like that. I think it's okay to say "hey, you're being really rude right now" but if it will put you in harm's way, then no. Praying for you and for this hurt!
I hope that racism will simply die out. My dad, bless his sweet soul, was the least prejudiced person I knew... or at least I thought so until he was assigned a caregiver who was black and sheepishly asked for her to be changed.
Same with my mom - I didn’t think she had any problems with race until she moved in with us, and simply HAD to keep commenting “now, do you know your neighbor is BLACK?!”
But my children, now adults, never mentioned ONCE while they were growing up if a friend, teacher, neighbor, ANYone was black or Hispanic or handicapped.
It’s getting better - we just need to continue being the adults, and act gracious when people are idiots.
BE STRONG!
I just find it so odd that people comment about other people's relationships. whether it's heteros, biracial, homos...Love is good! It should be celebrated!
I feel for you! I've really learned to just laugh off the looks and "innocent" comments about where he's from or when people are really curious about what nationality my kids are when I'm out with them by myself. I've been lucky enough to just get looks though, and nothing really rude.
I'm so sorry that you live in such a sheltered environment! I could feel the staring as we ate our Chick Fil A and walked through the mall there on our way home from Park City! It was like we were some freak show for everyone to watch! I couldn't imagine being you, and dealing with that every time you go out!
Here it's kind of opposite... since Vegas is full of "minorities" I get the stink eye from the tan group because they can't believe one of their own would marry a white person. Even Lewis' family didn't like me when they found out he was dating me!
Oh, and some of the "older" people making comments may still be bitter because interracial marriages were illegal about 45 years ago! If they were to pass the gay marriage law right now, there's a lot of 60-70 year olds that would still show hatred, I'm sure!
I just can't believe this still happens in 2011. It's so ridiculous. I am so sorry this still happens to you. Maybe you need some business cards too? ;)
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